'She doesn't seem to care about speaking her mind': Outspoken employee blasts big boss, manager tells her to 'rethink her future with the company'

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Jul 7, 2023 11:00 AM EDT

This boss manages a team of people who recently got a new hire — and he thinks she isn't fitting into the company culture. 

We roast a lot of bosses on this site, but we don't always get the story from their point of view. Managing people is a role that some people shine at, becoming the boss that everyone loves and feels they can talk to openly. But on the other hand, people management is not for everyone, a lesson that the commenters on this post strongly suggested the OP should learn. 

U/tway12412421 wrote the r/AmItheA**hole, asking if he was wrong to give his employee an ultimatum for working at the company. As he explains it, his new hire has a habit of talking rudely to the director of the company, aka the OP's boss. This seems to be super embarrassing to the OP for some reason — it's like he thinks that everything she does is rude. At best, it seems like this woman is not a good fit for the (toxic) company culture. At worst, she is being rude, but that should be her problem to deal with. Instead, the OP is taking her snarky words to heart and getting upset over it. 

His ultimatum to her is a true step too far… you can read the entire saga for yourself below, as well as the commenters who gave him some pointed advice. After that, this employee was told to "actually read the policy," so they sat down, read the fine print, and managed to make their company regret it. 

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  • 01
    Font - 'I've told her plenty of times she doesn't need to speak up when these things happen... but she always does it anyway'
    via Icons8 Team on Unsplash
  • 02
    Font - AITA, gave an employee an ultimatum between getting fired or shutting up A: I (29M) manage one of 3 teams of 5 people, all working under 1 director. I am a new hire (also first time managing a team like this ever), and there is a member on my team (34F) who is a bit of a loud mouth.
    via u/tway12412421
  • 03
    Font - She doesnt seem to care about speaking her mind, to me or her coworkers, which Im not particularly okay with, but she does her work and nobody really seems to have that much of a problem with it.
    via u/tway12412421
  • 04
    Font - One thing I do not and can not stand is when she talks rudely to the director (My fuking boss!!). I understand, sometimes the things he asks of us are not fair, sometimes there is just too much fking work, hes gotten upset with the group too, but its just not okay.
    via u/tway12412421
  • 05
    Font - The director is pretty laissez-faire with his management approach, so even when he assigns a butt load of work, if we dont finish it seems for the most part other than a bit of some passive aggressive remarks he gives us extensions.
    via u/tway12412421
  • 06
    Font - Ive told her plenty of times she doesnt need to speak up when these things happen, its my place to decide if something needs to be said about too much work or something like that, but she always does it anyway.
    via u/tway12412421
  • 07
    Font - She must have been having a really bad week, because we had another conference and bossman was being a bit passive aggressive, so she decided to do it back to him. It was a really uncomfortable call and to make a long story short, she basically summed up that he was a lazy and inconsiderate a (not exact words but pretty much that).
    via u/tway12412421
  • 08
    Font - I honestly get it, I do, he is a bit of a di but at the end of the day he is the f king boss, and he is MY boss. Her actions directly reflect on me, her manager. I told her she needs to stop and she said that she was doing my job by telling him when enough is enough. I should make those decisions, and I have, there have been plenty of times where I put my foot down and said its just too much.
    via u/tway12412421
  • 09
    Font - I told her she needs to either shut up and just talk to me about it, or she needs to rethink her future with the company.
    via u/tway12412421
  • 10
    Font - She's talked about it w her coworkers, I can tell they are a bit upset with me because they feel like Im siding with him rather than them. I just need them to understand that I cant have them talking to OUR boss like that, its just not right. I need this job too just like them. AITA?
    via u/tway12412421
  • 11
    Font - koalanpanda Partas ant [1] YTA this is not the way to build trust within your team. Have you talked with your boss? If you're not willing to stand up for your team then you are not a leader. It sounds like a toxic work environment to me.
    via u/koalanpanda
  • 12
    Font - CrazyCatLadey007. Parta ipant [3] Also, I will point out, that the other co- workers are mad, because the outspoken woman is actually saying all the things they want to say to the boss and that OP is not conveying and they don't want her fired.
    via u/CrazyCatLadey007
  • 13
    Font - catsthis A Enthusiast [6] YTA who does not have the skills for management. Read a book. Take a class.
    via u/catsthis
  • 14
    Font - LittleKing9 Partas pant [2]] YTA As you stated, you're new to the role so take this as constructive criticism, but by the sounds of things, you're not doing your job properly.
    via u/LittleKing9
  • 15
    Font - I understand it can be embarrassing your team to be lippy toward the director, but for one of she isn't your child. Telling her to keep her mouth shut over issues she's having isn't being very helpful to the situation. What you've effectively told her (and everyone else there) is that you value your job more than you value them. That's not the right approach to management.
    via u/LittleKing9
  • 16
    Font - If you want her to be less outspoken on issues regarding the workload, then maybe you can organize sometime for the 3 of you (her, director and yourself) to have a private meeting or something to discuss it further and she can raise her concerns in a less public environment (seeing as that sounds like your major concern).
    via u/LittleKing9
  • 17
    Font - What you did is reactive, rather than proactive, and going forward you're going to need to find a solution that doesn't make your team feel less valuable. If you're going to be a leader, put the teams needs first ahead of your own and address them accordingly.
    via u/LittleKing9
  • 18
    Font - Sidenote, I've never been a manager myself, so take this whole reply with a pinch of salt. But IMO, YTA here.
    via u/LittleKing9
  • 19
    Font - Trini1113 As a manager, OP should be the one advocating for their team. The fact that their coworker feels the need to do it themselves suggests that either OP isn't doing that, or OP's predecessor didn't do that. I suspect some combination of both. I don't think the idea of a sit-down between the three of them is a good idea though. In order for that to work, OP would have to have some skills as a mediator, and would have to have the trust of the other two parties. Neither of these seem
    via u/Trini1113
  • 20
    Font - OP needs to learn how to manage a team (the company has failed here by hiring someone with no management experience, and not providing training and support), they need to get their team to trust them. Ideally they should be pushing back against their boss, if the work assignments are unreasonable, but at the very least they should be a buffer, taking the blame when things don't get done.
    via u/Trini1113
  • 21
    Font - Middle management sucks. You have plenty of responsibility, but no real control (and often very little training). And certain types of people make up for that feeling of powerlessness by being petty tyrants and bullies.
    via u/Trini1113
  • 22
    Font - BlueRFR3100 As Aficionado [16] YTA. A good manager protects employees from the bigger boss.
    via u/BlueRFR3100
  • 23
    Font - iyesshirai YTA, and it's c management all the way down. Your boss assigns an unreasonable amount of work and gets passive-aggressive when it's not completed. You defend this and apparently don't do a great job of managing your team's workload, if they're this frustrated. She probably shouldn't have gotten huffy with your boss but what else was she supposed to do? Shut up and take the abuse for something that's not her fault?
    via u/iyesshirai
  • 24
    Font - certain_people A Aficionado [10] and she said that she was doing my job by telling him when enough is enough She is, too. Do better. YTA.
    via u/certain_people
  • 25
    Font - Unfair_Finger5531. Parta_ipant [4] Yta. It doesn't "reflect" badly on you when a grown a woman talks to her boss the way she wants. She isn't your child.
    via u/Unfair_Finger5531

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shut up boss work stories toxic-workplace manager job toxic-boss managers workplace company toxic-work-environment
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